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Dateline - February 1, 11:25 am CST, Somewhere above the gray and hopeless skies of Chicago
It's Friday morning and mercifully we are leaving this winter storm and its aftermath behind us. United Flight 1 to Honolulu left O’Hare about thirty minutes late, which for United is almost like leaving early. O’Hare may be the worst place on earth. I'm just now washing the sleazy residue of that infernal place away and quickly replacing it with the germ infested air of this 777 and three hundred of my closest infected friends. The passengers are hacking, coughing, gurgling and sneezing up little snot bubbles armed with sickness and death. MRSA, West Nile, Typhoid Fever, Ebola, the Plague...you name it, I'm convinced that they are all just waiting to be inhaled on this flying death trap. It's a veritable breeding ground for some life threatening bug delivered via a phlegm cocktail. Maybe Michael Jackson knows something that we don't. Sure that mask looks silly, but it could just be your last line of defense. Thank God for the antibiotics and what passes for vodka (What kind of savage serves Smirnoff at 11:00 in the morning? Well for $6.50 a plastic glass, United does. As a beverage it works wonders for finger nail polish removing). At least there are no screaming children on board. It's the only missing component to complete my Dante like descent into darkness. Honolulu awaits in eight and a half hours. Heaven on earth. Sunshine, Hula Girls, Sand and Surf. Conjuring up all that paradise almost makes it worth what we flippantly refer to as leisure travel these days. I've attached pictures of the trip from the hotel to the airport. This morning Chicago was depressingly cold and windy and gray and it being Chicago you got all of those perks and a double dose of rudeness thrown in for free. As this cylindrical hunk of steel heads makai (toward the sea) I ponder a few of life's vagaries....Why do we live in the Midwest? Why do we come back home at the end of these vacations? Who picks the in-flight movies and is it their idea of some kind of sick joke? What is the fat man coughing up behind me? When did flight attendants get so old? And what is up with their makeup? They all look like Tammy Faye Baker, and that's just the men. Do people really have to pee this much or is it just exciting for them to keep re-visiting the lavatory at 30,000 feet? When will my long standing nightmare be over? If I survive the flesh eating bacteria and the jet manages to keep from plunging into the Pacific and I'm not arrested by the TSA for assaulting the fat bastard that keeps kicking the back of my seat and misting me with his disease...If I'm able to jump those hurdles then I'll be sending you another post card from Honolulu. Until then....
Aloha,
B the haole
 
Dateline - Saturday February 2, 8:22 am PST, Marriott Hotel, Waikiki Beach, Oahu
Good morning from paradise. Arrived in Honolulu about 4:30 pm local time pretty much no worse for the wear. It's amazing what the salty sea air can do for your disposition. Spent last night cruising the Waikiki strip with its street musicians, corner preachers and Tranny's in heels. It's quite a city. I always forget how big it is and how the temptations are abundant. Coming in our driver bemoaned the amount of new high rise buildings and the sense of history being thrown by the wayside. It's like Las Vegas in the late 70's. Build the monstrosities as high and as fast as you can. Damn the history. We have tourists to please. I always have a bit of guilt when we first arrive here in paradise. A sense of walking over a long ago forgotten culture's grave. After a couple of minutes it passes. Besides, there are way more Japanese tourists here and they had the audacity to drop bombs here not all that long ago. By comparison I feel almost kamaaina (native born). Last night we had dinner at an honest to goodness authentic Italian pizzaria while surrounded on all sides by Japanese visitors. We sat street side and ate our slices just a short drive from Pearl. The irony was not lost on me and the only thing seemingly absent was a side order of sauerkraut. The times sure have changed. I wonder how people in their 70's and 80's feel about all of this. For my generation it would be similar to sitting down with the Taliban for lox and bagels in Times Square. Oahu is a mere 604 square miles but it is home to over 80% of Hawaii's population, which I gather is fitting since it is known as the 'Gathering Place". The scenic Koolau Mountains rise above Honolulu and the sight of Diamond Head always impresses even after several visits. The North Shore and the Bonzai Pipeline are amazing to behold and it's always a good thing to stop and pay your respects to the statue of "Duke" Kahanamoku, the "Father of modern surfing". If you visit Oahu, get the hell out of Honolulu and take a drive. There are beautiful things to see on this island. Check out Hanauma Bay, the Waimea Valley Audubon Center, the Byodo-In Buddhist Temple and the Whaling Museum. We board our sea traveling vessel later this afternoon and set sail for Hilo and the Big Island. I've included a picture from our balcony at the Marriott. It was taken just after sunrise.
Haloe B.
Dateline - Sunday February 3, Hilo, Hawaii
It's day two on the ship and the senior citizens are getting rambunctious. The hallways to the buffets look a bit like night of the living dead. Hungry zombies who will not be denied their sixth or seventh meal of the day. This morning I got into a shouting match with a group of deaf people trying to butt in line at the Hertz shuttle. Well, I shouted and they gesticulated wildly. I only know one phrase of sign language and it's universal so I think they got my point. Why do people use their handicaps to act in a rude way? Read the signs and get in line, you're deaf, not blind. It has dropped about 18 inches of rain on Hilo the last two days and things are sloppy at best, so we picked up our SUV and headed straight for Mt. Kilauea.....
"Hawai`i Volcanoes National Park Hawai`i Volcanoes National Park, displays the results of 70 million years of volcanism, migration, and evolution — processes that thrust a bare land from the sea and clothed it with unique ecosystems, and a distinct human culture. The park highlights two of the world’s most active volcanoes, and offers insights on the birth of the Hawaiian Islands and views of dramatic volcanic landscapes."
That's what it says in the guide book anyway. Up close and in person, even through rain falling sideways, it is pretty awe inspiring. Pictures are attached and they don't come anywhere near representing the majesty involved. Goddess Pele indeed.
Up next...Maui!
B.
  
  
Dateline - Monday February 4, Sunrise, Kahului, Maui
Aloha,
We docked this morning in beautiful Kahului, Maui. This is my favorite of all of the islands. Kahului lies in a flat corridor between Maui's two volcanoes, and the view spills out past eternity. Legend states that a super powered demigod named Maui slowed down the sun and gave Hawaiians the secret of fire. Maui is the second largest of the islands but contains only 10% of the population, although tourism brings over 2 million visitors per year. The head of Maui is to the west where Mt. Puu Kukui is covered in clouds that moistens it's rain forest terrain. The Leeward side of the island offers up sun and sand and popular resorts. Makena and Wailea to the south and Kaanapali and Kapalua to the north. During the mid 1800's, hedonistic whalers and pious missionaries battled for the hearts and minds of the natives and turned Lahaina into the whaling capital of the world. They've been replaced today by an armada of foreign invaders armed with goofy hats and fanny packs, as Lahaina has become Maui's number one tourist stop. Whether hiking Haleakala or sitting under the giant Banyan tree in the middle of Lahaina's town square, "Maui no ka oi" (Maui is the best). The local legends are abundant. Loko O Mokuhinia was once one of Hawaii's most sacred sites. At one time it was considered a place of "Mana" (spiritual healing). It was attended by Princess Kihawahine, who upon her death was transformed into a rather large lizard goddess. Today the site is buried under a baseball field. If you build it they will come Ray, people will most definitely come. Lahaina offers up a mish mash of religious history. You can visit the Baldwin Home Museum, the Lahaina Jodo Mission and the Wo Hing Temple, proving once again that variety is the spice of life.
More from Maui later,
Haloe B.
  
Dateline - Monday February 4, Leeward Coast, Maui
We hopped into our rental and headed toward the leeward coast to escape the clouds. Driving northwest on highway 30 with the top down and the sounds of KONI, the best of the 80's, playing as our soundtrack. The twist and turns of the highway, blues skies above, the Pacific ocean on the left and mountains on the right, Huey Lewis on the radio and the salty sea breeze in our face. It doesn't get any better than this. This may be the most beautiful stretch of road anywhere in the world. Our first stop is Lahaina for some shopping on Front St. and maybe a bit of lunch. Parking is a mere $10.00 for four hours and for parking in what could easily pass as Heaven it seems like a hell of a deal. I love the Harbor. It always reminds me of the movie Jaws. We dined at BJ's Authentic Chicago Pizzeria. If you visit Lahaina make sure you try it. Get the meatball sub. After lunch we ran into Decatur's own Mark Allen in front of the Lahaina Yacht Club. Mark and his wife have a beautiful home here. They are great people and their laid back personalities fit right in with the kama.'aina (locals). After Lahaina we continued westward toward Kapalua. It is incredibly scenic and is home to the Plantation course where they play the Mercedes Open in January. Coach is arriving tomorrow and I'm already jealous that he will still be here when we leave. Looking at the incredible mountain range that looks down over this whole coast of Maui, it is easy to imagine why the early Hawaiians thought there must be some kind of supernatural powers at work. It is a sight to behold and the pictures, yet again, do not do it justice.
More from Maui tomorrow.
A hui hou for now,
Dateline - February 6, Aboard the USS Pride of America
The Pride of America is an American flagged ship that sails as part of the NCL fleet. Her home port is Honolulu, Hawaii and the Department of Labor Secretary, Elaine Chao serves as it's Godmother. It registers its tonnage at 81,000 and is 921 feet long. The vessel cruises at 22 knots on a diesel electric engine with state of the art Azipod propulsion. At full capacity, the Pride of America hosts 2,144 passengers and a crew of 953. There are 9 different restaurants, 24 hour room service, 9 bars and lounges, 3 pools and 4 hot tubs. For the fitness oriented there are basketball, volleyball and tennis courts, a jogging/walking track and a full gym and fitness center. For the really adventurous there is a bungee trampoline and a gyroscope to add to the already rocking motion of cruising the open sea. Freestyle dining and attire make this the perfect way to enjoy the islands.
Dateline - February 6, 5:00 pm, Kona, HI
Greetings again from the Big Island. This time we are visiting Kona, which is Hawaiian for "leeward side". The Big Island is more than twice the size of all of the other islands combined, but has the least population per square mile. Nearly 150,000 folks call it home, with most living in Hilo or the Kohala-Kona coast. About twenty minutes south of Kona is Kealakekua Bay, where Captain James Cook landed in 1778. Upon arrival he was thought by the locals to be the Hawaiian God Lono. His tenure as a resident deity was short lived however, as he was killed about a month later. King Kamehameha spent the last days of his life here and died in 1819. Kona is synonymous with coffee and sport fishing. The coffee isn't exactly Marquis Beverage, but it'll do in a pinch. Overall, Kona is a picturesque harbor town whose highest structure is the Mokuaikaua Church which is the oldest Christian church in all of Hawaii. We tendered in around nine this morning and after waiting an eternity for the Hertz shuttle we were on our way in search of sun and white sand beaches. The main highway that hugs the leeward coast is a thoroughly enjoyable ride. Both sides of the road are covered in volcanic rock and teenagers decorate the landscape with coral graffiti, spelling out names and love notes for miles and miles. It is really quite endearing. We had the top down and Don Henley's Boy's of Summer blaring through the speakers as we headed north toward Hapuna Bay. There are plenty of things to see and do along the way. There is the Kekaha Kai State Park with its salt and pepper sand and excellent swimming (better yet, take the dirt road right before the park entrance, to the isolated Makalawena. It is a gorgeous beach with lots of hidden coves that are perfect for snorkeling). There is the resort area's of Waikoloa and Mauna Lani, with nice golf courses and shops. Mauna Lani is also the home to the Puako Petroglyps that were carved somewhere between AD 1000 and 1800. Hapuna Bay is a large expanse of white sand and is probably the most popular beach on the big island. We enjoyed three hours of tranquility and surf. While listening to Tom Petty's You Don't Know How it Feels on my IPOD I watched scores of dolphins frolic a hundred yards off shore. This a popular place for sea turtles, dolphins and whales, but no matter how many times you witness it up close, it never gets old.
More from Kaua'i tomorrow
Haole B.
  
  
Dateline - February 7, 2008, Nawiliwili, Kauai, 10:00 pm
Our last stop is Kauai, the Garden Isle. It's the oldest of all the islands and thousands of years of Mother Nature has turned it into one of the most spectacular sights you will ever see. The first settlers arrived here around 500 AD, which is about 500 years before the rest of the island chain was settled. Hollywood has long been a fan of Kauai, shooting such diverse films as South Pacific, Blue Hawaii, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Jurassic Park and the re-make of King Kong. It's the smallest of the islands and it's year round population is near 55,000 people. For such a small place and low population, it's traffic jams rival those of Chicago. Why would anyone live in such a remote place and put up with big city traffic congestion? It's getting worse year by year and I'm sure that we (tourists) are not helping anything. Must see's are Waimea Canyon (the Grand Canyon of the Pacific), Poipu Beach and the scenic Na Pali coastline. Polihane Beach is worth the struggle to get to as well.
More from Kauai tomorrow.
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